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We'll eat a lot of broccoli and drink a lot of beer

Happy birthday (belated on these pages) to Teh One, who turned 17 Saturday.

Wait, that can't be right. That means.uh.oh, sorry. She's 27. Not 17. Definitely not 17. Nope, no way.

Celebrations were had here and there, and my gift to her was the gift of people dressed up as homeless felines belting out broadway tunes. It's not that I didn't enjoy the show, it's just not really my "thing", if a "thing" can be an intangible concept, which I always believed was the exact opposite of a "thing". Anyway, I did learn a few things Saturday night, among them:

Cats have three names. A boring name, an f'ed up name, and a name no one else can know. I assume this is because if you knew it, the cat would be forced to do as you say. Or perhaps it's just embaressed by it.

"Jellicle" is an adjective, desribing a person or animal that has not been spayed or neutered. Here, I'll use it in a sentence for you: "Mr. Barker ended another episode of the Price is Right with 'This is Bob Barker saying, have your pet de-jelliclized.'"

"Deuterotomy" sounds like an unfortunate medical procedure. Attaching "Old" to it makes it sound like it happens all the time. Example: "I took Growltiger in to the vet for the ol' deuterotomy, and now he's de-jellicilzed."

If your cat gets cat-napped (punny!), don't bother with the police or a private detective. Just call Doug Henning.

Once again, it is proven that anything can be made better with the careful addition of pirates to the narrative.

Even if your show is devoid of the most basic of interesting plots, throwing in a despondent chick with a set of pipes can liven up any situation. During the reprise of "Memory", I was surprised the balcony didn't collapse.

If any of you have gifts to lavish upon her, feel free to instead make a donation to the Addled Brain Charitable Organization in her name. Your contributions will go directly to a worthy cause, namely expensive electronics for my house. Hey, those were some expensive tickets! I gotta get something for my generosity.